The letter I shouldn't post here

This was the letter from the last of the three wise men. Names removed to protect the innocent. This is the guy that didn't know the difference between a recorded in studio song and a live recording. This is the guy that didn't understand how hard I worked to try to keep the Second Wise Man (B--) n the band, and finally gave up when everyone told me to get him gone. 

The break-up of a band is like a divorce. You suddenly realize what you will never do again in the same way. He really sounds like an an ex-wife, doesn't he? (I picked the fight, I knew he'd quit- I knew I was blowing up the band, and honestly I don't regret it.) The truth be told, next time round, I'll find folks who really want to perform and know how to to do it. That's where I'm going. 

There were several realizations that began to happen: 

1. no one in the group had any friends and they were not telling anyone where we were playing.

2. no one would speak into a microphone

3. no one realized how slow the tempo was

4. no one could stay on track with playing the play list

5. no one could show up on time and be ready to play

6. no one would stand up

7. no one would memorize songs that they didn't already know.

8. no one realized how much work I was putting into this band

9. the biggest realization of all- B--- and R--- (the author of this letter) and N--- were the only only three who could hear me, but couldn't play to me, and I could hear all of them and play to all of them

10. The wise men wouldn't work to learn new songs unless you forced them and no one rehearsed outside the group but me.

(11.) And that some folks are incredibly stupid- I had spend a year rewriting "Mocking Bird: and trying it out with tempos and variations and in that time that he was around, he never realized what I was trying to do or even asked what I was doing. 

"I don't know what to say, Dan.  You frustrate the hell outta me, like a machine that refuses to stay fixed.

I am not brilliant, far from it.  But I do pride myself on having some intelligence.  Yet I am used to people thinking I am a moron.  I think it is my voice that causes that impression.  My own brother thought I was a moron and that he was infinitely smarter than me for over 40 years--even though I have a Master's and he doesn't.

Even though I have played music for 55 years, I am realistic enough to know that I am not very good.  I started playing the piano when I was 5 and have played the viola, violin, dulcimer, mandolin, mandola, and guitar since.  I even learned to rudimentarily play the Irish button accordion in a week when B---'s sister visited with hers.  I have recently picked up the violin again, and have just started playing the bouzouki.  The trouble is, I am a jack of all trades and a master of none when it comes to music, and I know it.

Plus, I know that my voice is not pleasing and has pitch problems, and so I generally don't sing in public.

In case you haven't noticed, I don't take instrumental breaks and  have never asked to do one.  It is because I know I'm no good. 

I have never negotiated contracts with USC or Microsoft, or anyone else.  I  have, however, spent 30+ years as a trouble shooter.  I can take a machine which does not work, figure out what is wrong with it, and usually fix it.  Sometimes I have to call an expert to help fix it (technician, computer programmer, mechanic, etc.).  Dan, the band is broken and I have merely been trying to help fix it.  I'm not an expert, but I have recommended one to you.  Yet I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall.

I have also spent 40+ years as a historian, analyzing things.  For over 25 years, I have been an internationally published writer and have a favorable reputation for my historical work.

You may think that what you are doing is working.  I disagree.  Mere hutzpah has gotten you into venues that artists much better than you have never gotten into.  You admitted that when you played that one place that you were in over your head.  If that is OK with you, that's fine.  It is not for others.

With N--- and C---, well, you are lucky to have such loyal friends.  Each have abilities that you need.  I have no such loyal friends.  I like C--- and admire his abilities, but N---- I don't know well enough.  N----'s singing is one bright spot in the band.  Yet I'm not crazy about her choice of songs.

E--- quit because he was too frustrated to continue any longer.  You were pushing recording, but he, like me, did not feel the band was ready.  He eventually reached the tipping point.  

I am in awe of B--'s abilities.  He is the best guitar player that I personally know, and from what I hear from others, he has been exactly the same for over 40 years.  He has been in several bands, even touring nationally, and knows how bands should operate.  He told me he enjoyed playing with you guys and tried to help your band, but no one was listening.  Maybe he is a bit eccentric, but B--- has a busy life with a lot of other interests. You said  he wasn't dependable but he asked me, for example, if he had a choice of a paying gig/job or had the chance to play with you for free, which should he pick?  He was frustrated with the band but was trying to help.  I think you were damned lucky that he was willing to sit-in at all.  And you fired him--he didn't even know he'd been fired until I asked him about it 2 weeks later.

I too am frustrated.  I have been dismayed by the way you perform some songs in a manner which is unrecognizable (i.e. "Listen to the Mockingbird").  When you performed your version of "Paradise" the other night, I wondered it was hopeless.

You said that I had no right to criticize the song list, that the band as a whole devised it.  Which band?  The one with W---?  N---, O---, B---, and R----?  E--?  Well, if I was to be part of the band, I do not accept or agree with the prohibition.

I understand that you don't like criticism.  I am not fond of it myself.  But some criticism is constructive if we are only smart enough to put our egos aside and learn from the criticism.  I have worked hard over my life, to keep my ego in check.  I have not always been successful, but I have tried.

I wish you good luck with your musical efforts.  But I think you are going to have difficulty keeping band members other than your C----N--- core.